


Beating Hearts

by Flecha77



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, NSFW, Patroka tries to deal with her feelings for Mikhail, XC2, Xenoblade, a whole lotta feels, a whole lotta sex, mikhail is hopelesly in love, monocerous, romantic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-03-31 20:24:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13982694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flecha77/pseuds/Flecha77
Summary: Beginning after Mikhail and Patroka accepted their defeat in Mor Ardain, Patroka feels the loss of her blade heavily and seeks comfort in the person she knows will comfort her. Once she opens herself to Mikhail she fears she can no longer hide her true feelings from him...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I recently fell in love with this ship and now I can’t stop thinking about them. There’s literally no other fanart or fanfiction on this pairing so I thought, why not make my own? Let me know what you think!

Patroka stomped onto the Monoceros bridge, kicking the door open with her boot causing Akhos, Jin and Malos to turn in her direction. Mikhail was close behind her. 

“That damn Pratorium blade was there!” She screamed at the group of men waiting for information,

“Pratorium blade?” Akhos questioned, scrunching his glasses up his nose,

“Haze—Fan La Norne,” Jin corrected himself, 

“Oh right. I almost forgot that Amalthus awakened her a few years ago.” Malos groaned,

“It was her alright.” Mikhail directed his statement to Jin as he stepped beside Patroka,

“I haven’t thought about her... in a long time.” Jin looked away from Malos’ intense gaze,

“Well whoever she is, she has a damn annoying power!” Patroka crossed her arms and looked away,

“Immobilizing Blades and Titans alike. I have a feeling she will get in our way again soon.” Jin informed the Aegis,

“You know what we’ll have to do.” Malos sneared. Jin did not answer but he nodded. Malos’ idea of a solution always involved killing someone. 

Mikhail stepped towards Patroka and placed a calloused hand on her shoulder,

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, we were outmatched…” Mikhail tried to comfort her but she jerked away and scoffed, leaving the room. Mikhail didn’t look after her, he couldn’t help but stand there and sulk. 

“She’s inconsolable. Don’t let it bother you.” Akhos assured him as he tapped furiously at a control panel, steering them away from the Mor Ardain Titan,

“She could at least act like she doesn't despise me. It’s not even my fault! I got my ass handed to me too…” Mikhail dug his foot into the ground and leaned against the wall,

“Maybe she does hate you.” Malos said flatly, 

“Thanks,” Mikhail rolled his eyes, “You’re a big help Malos.” 

“Well…” Malos shrugged and walked past him heading off the bridge, “I’m starting dinner.” Mikhail tapped his foot impatiently. He didn’t like being bested in battle but rejection burned even more than that. With Patroka he was always being rejected, time and time again. It’s hard being in love with someone who doesn’t even see you. 

“She doesn’t hate you.” Jin finally said. Mikhail raised his eyebrows,

“No?”

“No.” Jin turned from his station and stood before Mikhail. He rested a hand on his bicep. Jin still saw the young, small, scared little boy that he and Lora found all those years ago. Although he respected Mikhail’s strength and maturity, Mik would always be the little blue eyed boy Lora was so infatuated with, “But I must recdomend you to not get attactched to... anyone.” That was Jin alright, a serial pessimist. But Mikhail couldn’t blame him. 

“I’ts not that easy, Jin.”

Jin followed Malos leaving Mikhail and Akhos alone. They shared a mutual silence for maybe twenty minutes. Mikhail let his mind drift and his body relax after the battle with the aegis, the prince, the inquisitor, the Pratorium’s blade. He hadn’t even begun to think about the loss of his blade, Cressidus. Cressidus was a big idiot but they had a strong bond. He was good at listening to Mik, he tried to offer advice but Cressidus understood very little about human relationships. He was a strong fighter too… fearless, unstoppable. Mikhail sighed, he had failed his blade. He was failing at showing Patroka his love. He was failing at capturing he aegis. Just a big failure,

“It’s hard, isn’t it?” Akhos broke the silence, reminding Mik he wasn’t alone,

“Hm?” 

“Losing your blade, I mean.” Akhos looked over his shoulder,

“Oh… yeah.”

“It’s funny, we’re doing all of this for eventual oblivion but… but that doesn’t stop me from wishing I had just another day with Obrona.” Mik could feel the sadness in Akhos’ voice,

“You and Obrona had a special bond, Akhos. More so than Cressidus, Perdido… Sever. You and Obrona were special.”

“I loved her.” Akhos slouched, “I still do.”

Mik couldn’t help but wonder what it was like to share mutual love with someone. All he knew was one sided love and rejection. It was like loving a brick wall. 

“But maybe she’s happier now. She can rest now.” Akhos looked out the front view of the Monoceros,

“If Blades can remember and think while in their core state, I’m sure she still thinks about you. You gave her a good life.” 

Akhos turned to the blonde. He smiled with red eyes. 

“Thank you… Mik.”

_____

Mik threw his clothes off his body, not caring where they fell. He was tense and frustrated and wanted nothing more than to get in bed and relax. Dinner was quiet and quick. It was some kind of soup Malos tossed together. Patroka sat across from his all evening and did nothing but give him angry looks when he tried to talk. He resorted to staying silent because somehow the sound of his voice was pissing her off. 

He stripped down to his briefs and jumped on top of his bed. He rested his head on the wall behind him and slipped his hand along his chest, feeling the furry trail of hair leading to his cock. She was so damn frustrating, everything he did pissed her off. He wrapped his hand around his cock. He needed this, he needed to take his frustration out. He got hard quick, moving his hand up and down his shaft. It didn’t particularly feel amazing to stroke himself, but he wanted to come. As usual all he could think about what the infuriating girl. Her long black hair, her thick hips, her perky chest, her perfect figure. He grunted, trying to keep quiet but jerking off as quickly as he could. God she was annoying… angry and impulsive. She never listened to him. She thought he was stupid. But she was gorgeous… and her laugh—that laugh! It was like angels were singing to the architect every time he heard her laugh. He thought about her wide hips: how they would feel on either side of his thighs. How soft her creamy skin was under that armor. He felt sweat beading at his hairline as he started to buck into his hand. 

“Nnngh…” Mikhail could hardly keep quiet, his frustration was building in his stomach, “shit…” 

Mikhail shut his eyes, reaching closer and closer… he yelped and his whole body jumped when he heard the door of his room slam open. Mikhail grabbed his pillow and threw it over his throbbing cock before he looked at which Tornan was barging in. 

“I…” her face was beat red. She was standing there, staring, absolutely frozen,

“Patroka!?” Mikhail screeched, she didn’t move, “W-What are you doing here??” She still wasn’t leaving, “Get out! Why are you still…?!” 

He pulled his pillow closer to himself, absolutely mortified, questioning if he could ever look at her again. Thank the architect he wasn’t moaning her name. He was so absolutely freaked he hadn’t looked at her face. She had her bottom lip pulled between her teeth, her eyes were fixated to Mikahils, her legs were crossed tightly…

“Patroka…” Mikhail pleaded. 

She swiftly stepped into the room and slammed the door behind her. She still hadn’t said anything but now she had her back pressed against the closed door. In a move that sent him scurrying away to the edge of the bed, Patroka started towards him and threw her cape off leaving her in the little bodysuit she wore under it. She hopped and kicked her boots off, adding to the pile of his clothing,

“Patroka…” He said again, she reached the edge of his bed and leaned down towards him, “What…”

“Fuck me.” Mikhail was certain he was making that up,

“What did you…?”

“I want you to fuck me.” She said louder this time, more confidence in her demand,

“Patroka what are you saying?” He shook his head,

“Mikhail I-I need this. I need to…” she looked desperate and hungry, he couldn’t stop his eyes from raking up her exposed legs. 

“You mean it?” Mikhail shifted closer to her, his face closer to hers now,

“Yes… I don’t know why… Yes I do—no I don’t!” She looked frantic, “I’m confused and angry and… I don’t know what I feel for you! So I… I hate you for it! You’re so confusing! I’m just so frustrated!” She started to stand up tall but he reached for her arm, pulling her back down. She rested a knee on the bed,

“Then let me show you. Let me show you what I feel for you.” Maybe this was his chance to finally prove himself to her. She was here angry and frustrated… maybe he could show her what he can do for her. 

Mikhail, with new found confidence, grabbed her forearm and pulled her down to the bed. He kicked the pillow away, he was luckily tucked inside his briefs. He stood on his knees and had Patroka sit down. He pushed a handful of her hair away from her neck and attached his lips to her neck. Sucking and nipping at the perfect skin, pushing his body against hers. She followed and wrapped her arms around his neck, moaning into his ear and bucking her hips against him. Mikhail reached around her back and found the zipper to her body suit. He tugged at it, asking for her permission. She pulled back and nodded. He could see the fire in her crisp blue eyes and the passion in her skin. 

The fabric was tossed aside leaving her in her lacy thong and a black bra. Mik wrapped his calloused hand around her waist, moving his kisses from her neck down her collar bones and to the fabric of her bra,

“So beautiful…” he murmured against her, “So fucking perfect… so perfect.” He couldn’t contain himself, finally having Patroka wrapped up in his arms. Patroka responded by running her finger tips up his arms and down his chest, running her index finger down the middle of his clearly defined abs,

“Mik…” she reached behind herself and unclasped her bra,

“Oh god… oh my god Patroka…” Mikhail muttered looking at her chest. He cupped one in his hand and swirled his thumb around her nipple, putting the other in his mouth. He used his tongue to elicit the most magical noises form Patrokas mouth,

“Mik… nnngh—ah! Ah! Mik!” 

Mik littered her skin with wet sloppy kisses leading up her chest,

“Mik, yess…” she hissed. She unfolded her legs and wrapped them around Mikhails waist, allowing herself to press fully against him and feel his erection,

“You like that Patroka?” Mikhail growled into her ear,

“Mmhm,” 

“What’s that? I can’t hear you.” Mikhail whispered before licking and sucking at the skin below her ear. He rocked his hips so his erection pressed against her lacy thong,

“Yes...yes! Mikhail… your tongue… your tongue…” she moaned and rolled her hips into his lap more,

“My tongue? You like my tongue?” He teased. She nodded frantically before Mikhail attached his lips to hers. He savored the feeling of her lips and the taste of her tongue. He was stealing a kiss he never thought he would get and he’d be damned if he didn’t cherish every second. He pushed his tongue into her mouth lapping up the kiss. She closed her lips around his tongue and sucked on it making Mikhails whole body shake. Patroka let him go and returned the hickies, placing wet kisses all along his muscular shoulders and chest and letting her hands roam all over him. 

“Let me show you what else I can do with this tongue,”

Mikhail pushed her back onto his pillows and slid his tongue down her stomach. He nipped at her thong and pulled it down with his teeth. She lifted her behind so he could pull it off and toss it aside. Mik grabbed her calves and lifted one at a time, setting them on either of his shoulders. Patroka reached between her legs and placed her fingers over her opening and clit, he looked up and cocked his head to the side. Her other hand was covering her mouth and her skin was pink,

“You still want this… right?” He rubbed her legs gently, asking for a truthful answer. She bit down on her lip,

“Yeah,” 

“Are you sure?” He kissed her legs and continued rubbing them,

“Yes I just… guys don’t usually go down on me…” She shied away from him,

“Why…? God, why?” Mik placed his hand over hers, “You’re fucking beautiful. Absolutely stunning… Patroka…” he leaned up just enough to reach her lips, “You’re beautiful and I’m so fucking in love with you.” Patroka held his gaze for a moment but looked away,

“You don’t have to say that…” she whispered,

“I know, I know I don’t. But you have no idea how badly I want to treat you well. I want to be so good to you. I’d do… I’d do anything for you…” 

“I’m so horrible to you… I don’t mean to I just… I don’t like the feelings I have for you.”

“Don’t like… the feelings you have for me?” He shook his head, he was only getting more confused. She wrapped her legs around his waist again. Her bare, wet womanhood rubbed against his stomach making Mikhails eyes roll back, “Nghhh, Patroka…”

“You make me smile when… I just want to be angry. And when I hear your voice I get these knots in my stomach… and you piss me off so bad! But I can’t… I can’t help but think of you when I’m going to sleep…” Mikhail caressed her face and slid even closer to her, feeling her wetness rub against him,

“You’ve got quite the crush Patroka.” He winked, his confidence flowing back. Her jaw dropped and she playfully smacked at his chest,

“Mikhail! Why do you…!!” 

“Shhh…” Mikhail murmured as he kissed down her stomach and back down to her dripping wet lips. 

Mikhail easily pushed one finger into her. She bucked her hips and stopped arguing immediately. He put his lips around her clit and started sucking and licking at her. He was pushing his finger in and out of her making her whine and grab at his hair. He gladly let her tug on his hair while he pushed his tongue inside her,

“Mik—Ah! Mikhail…” 

“So good Patroka…”

Patroka was still battling with why she came here but all she knew is that it was so right. She fingered his hair and tugged at the strands, caressing his cheek bones in the process. She had never had a man focus this much on her pleasure. Before Mikhail it had always been a blow job and then screwing until he came. To say the least her previous sexual partners hadn’t been great. Mikhail pressed his hand on her lower stomach resulting in more pressure in her. Patroka laced her fingers with the hand on her stomach and cried out,

“Ahh—Mik… Mik you’re gonna make me come…” 

“Good.” His lips vibrated against her clit. 

Patroka pulled on his hand asking him to come up to her face. Mikhail obliged but kept three fingers pulsing inside her, rubbing against the spot that made her writhe. Patroka pressed her lips against his with such hunger it even surprised him. She bit on his bottom lip and let it snap back. Mikhail chuckled, absolutely adoring being with her. 

“Mik,” she said into his mouth, “Mik I’m gonna come.”

“Good.” Mikhail said again, he wanted nothing more than to feel her come around his fingers,

“Ahh—nnghh… Mikhail!” 

Patrokas body convulsed again him and she panted into his neck. Mikhail brought his hand up from her entrance and sucked on the fingers. Patroka shivered. Mikhail put his wet fingers on her lips and she gladly accepted them into her mouth. Mikhail grinned while she wrapped her tongue around his wet digits. 

Patroka brought her hand down his neck, his chest, his stomach and rested above his waist band. Using her long nails she stroked at the patch of blonde hair there. Mikhail flinched and brought her face to meet his,

“You don’t have to do that Patroka.” Mikhail hissed,

“I still want you.” She said, tugging at the waist band,

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want.”

“I want this.” Patroka cupped the outside of his erection through his briefs. Mikhails faces dropped slightly,

“You just want… sex. Right.” Patroka scowled, “That’s the only reason you’re here.” Mikhail turned away to hide his disappointment. 

Patroka removed her hand and held it to her crystal. She didn’t think that would bother Mikhail, she thought he wanted sex just as bad but… she realized he wanted her. Of course he did. He loves her. Patroka forced herself to think again, why she really came here. Was it just because she wanted to have sex? Or did she come here, to this room, because she wanted Mikhail?

“Mik…” Patroka kept her hand on her crystal and looked away from the man laying next to her, “Mik I came here…” Mikhail rolled back over and stared intently at her, “I didn’t just come here for anyone. I came here because you’re here.” She tapped the crystal and prayed she explained herself well enough. Mikhail grabbed the hand on her chest and laced his fingers with hers,

“Okay.” She went rigged and stared at him, she didn’t think he would accept that explanation, “Okay. I can get behind that.” 

Patroka smirked and brought her hand back down his stomach. Mikhail groaned and grabbed her wrists, flipping her beneath him,

“Uh…?” Patroka said, her hands still pinned above her head. He moved her hands so he could hold both wrists with one hand. Mik quickly discarded his red underwear into the pile of mismatched clothing on the ground. Patroka looked between them and her breath hitched. Mikhail grinned at her reaction,

“Why the face?” He prodded,

“You’re just… I didn’t think you’d be…” She hid her face in the pillow next to her,

“You didn’t think I’d be very big?” His hand went to grasp his blue crystal, “Patroka I’m offended!” He faked being hurt and Patroka bucked her hands trying to break free so she could punch him. Mikhail quickly pushed her hands back down, “Ah, ah, ah Patroka.”

Mikhail rubbed his hand up and down his hard cock, Patroka whined, wanting to replace his hands with hers. Mikhail lined himself at her entrance and brushed her with his tip,

“Still so wet Patroka.” Mikhail grinned. 

He pushed into her and Patroka bucked her hips into him,

“Nn-Ah!” Mikhail let go of her wrists and she wrapped them around his neck, grabbing at the hair at the nape of his neck, “Mik!” 

Mikhail slammed into her harder than he meant to but he couldn’t control his pace. He wanted her so bad, he wanted all of her. He couldn’t contain the love and passion he had for her, he was breaking at the seems. Patroka wrapped her legs with his, attempting to hold onto his pace,

“Ahh! God, mmh… Mikhail… you’re so—ah!” Patroka couldn’t control how loud she was being. She briefly wondered if everyone in the Monoceros could hear them… how the hell would she explain that? The brief train of thought blew away when Mikhail tilted his hips and rammed into her most sensitive area, “Ahh!”

“There we go,” Mikhail grunted into her hair, “That’s what I’m talking about…” Mikhail kissed and nipped at her already-bruising skin, “Fuck Patroka, fuck. I love you so much, so damn much.” Usually Patroka would respond to that but she couldn’t even form words. She was twisting and bucking into his cock, all the while desperately trying to hold onto him,

“Mikhail… Mik I’m going to come again….” she whined,

“Fuck, me too Patroka, should I…?” He started to pull out of her, assuming she didn’t want him to come in her. She reached between them and stopped him, pushing him back in herself,

“No—no I want you to come in me.” She squirmed, already missing feeling him rubbing against her,

“Alright, Alright Patroka.” He buried himself back in her and started thrusting again, “Whatever you want…” 

Mikhail wrapped his arms around her back and lifted her up to rest on his knees. He kept thrusting and now Patroka could screw her hips down onto him, letting him go even deeper into her,

“Mik… I—I,”

“Good. Me too.” 

Patroka came udon first, her womanhood tightening around his cock and convulsing. The feeling made him follow, spurting inside of her, feeling the warmth fill her. Patroka buried her head into his neck and shook. He was drenched in sweat and saliva. He held her as close as possible to his chest. He heard their crystals clink against each other. 

“I love you Patroka, I love you so much…” Mikhail repeated mindlessly. She caught her breath and eventually let go of his neck. She pulled herself off his lap and felt him spill out of her. She reached down and grabbed her cape, tossing it over her body. She walked into the bathroom leaving Mikhail sitting on the bed, alone.


	2. About Last Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikhail tries to deal with the emotional after math of his confusing night. He searches for answers from Patroka and finds solace in an unsual friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The readers have spoken and I have delivered! Chapter 2! Perhaps this will be an on going thing...

She flushed the toilet and began washing her hands with the pine scented soap Mikhail had on his sink basin. Blades can’t get pregnant but they definitely can get bladder infections, always pee after you have sex. Patroka pulled her cape closer to her skin, trying to cover the purple bruises developing on her neck and down her chest. She touched them and winced. A man she claimed to hate for years had done that to her body. She shivered and crossed her arms over her chest. She had the overwhelming urge to leave his room and go to her own so she could scrub at her skin with boiling water and soap. As if she could wash the Mikhail off her body. 

In his bedroom he was sound asleep. He had pulled a blanket from the foot of his bed and wrapped it around himself like a cacoon. His arms were wrapped tightly around his body and his head was tucked to his chest. He looked like a child trying to comfort himself. Maybe he was, she thought. 

She sat on the edge of bed, sighing. He was peaceful, breathing deeply but absolutely silent. She reached out and brushed the piece of hair that always hung in his eye away. She brushed the back of her fingers along his cheekbone. For a moment she forgot the disgust she just felt in the bathroom. For a moment she wanted to crawl in the bed with him and hold him. 

When he began to stir she pulled her hand away and sat up. She grabbed her bra and underwear and put them on quickly. She tucked the rest of her clothing in her arm and threw the cape over her shoulders. 

“Patroka?” Shit, she thought. She hurried towards the door and shut the lights off, “please.” She turned around and looked at him through the dim lighting the small window gave. He was sitting up with the blanket pooled at his waist. His blonde hair was kissing at his eyelashes, the light made shadows on his pale skin, his core crystal illuminated his chest and his face… but he looked sad. Lonely. 

“I’m sorry.” Patroka whispered,

“Patroka please!” The door was already shut. 

She hurried down the long hallway to her room. She had strategically covered her exposed body with her bundle of clothing but that didn’t hide the obvious. She turned the corner to her room but she almost ran straight into the person leaning beside the door,

“Malos!” Patroka gasped. He had his arms crossed and a foot kicked up behind him,

“You shouldn’t play with a man's heart like that.” He growled. Patroka scowled and passed him to her door,

“Shut up!” She screamed. She opened her door and began shutting it but it was caught on Malos’ hand,

“You know he loves you, right?” The concern in his voice surprised her, she looked down at her feet, shame,

“I…” Malos shut the door. 

Patroka shook vigorously as she tried to fold her clothing and put it where it all belongs. She wasn’t cold and she wasn’t even tired but she couldn’t control her breathing, or her shaking. She checked the door to make sure it was locked a dozen times. In the bathroom-identical to Mikhails-she turned the water on as hot as it would go. She took a sponge and scrubbed at her burning skin, obsessively scratching and brushing every place Mikhail kissed her and every place he touched her. She didn’t notice the pain, not until hours later. All she could understand in that moment was that she wanted him off of her. 

Mikhail lifted up his bed sheets and laid under them. They were still warm from where she was ten minutes ago. He spread his hand across the bed and imagined she was here. He was foolish to think she would stay with them… what did he expect? Patroka to cuddle with him? Well he also didn’t expect Patroka to barge in on him and beg him to fuck her. He still couldn’t really process what the hell happened. He reached up and felt his neck. It was tender and felt like dried spit. Somehow that was comforting. A reminder it really happened. 

The clock read 2 am. He had been laying there since midnight. He was unable to fall back asleep now although he was able to sleep when she was in his bathroom. Now her her absence was all too loud to sleep. His mind kept running, telling him that she wouldn’t ever come back, and that she doesn’t care about him, and that she just wanted to fuck. But his heart reminded him of what she said, “I came here because you’re here.” His giant, bleeding, romantic heart told him she cares about him, and that she just got scared. 

He got out of bed and got dressed. There was no use laying there battling with his heart and his head for hours. He wasn’t going to sleep a wink. He stood at his sink, his hand soap was on the wrong side of his sink, she used it,

“Stop it Mikhail.” He murmured to himself, over analyzing everything and relating everything to her would only drive him crazy. He ran gel through his hair, twisting the front piece and pushing the rest back.

The hallways of the Monoceros were quiet but he could hear the engine rattling the steel walls. He headed for the kitchen to get something to eat, maybe after that he’d read. In the kitchen, Malos was sitting at the table facing away from him. He had a mug of coffee in his right hand, the other hand was scrolling through a tablet. He was reading the news. 

“You’re not usually up at the hour, Mik.” Malos muttered, he hadn’t even looked back to see who it was,

“Couldn’t sleep. What about you?” He opened the kitchen and looked for a snack,

“I don’t usually sleep much.” 

“That’s not healthy,” 

“Aegis’ don’t need sleep like humans and blades do.” 

Mikhail shrugged and grabbed the leftover soup. He heated it and took a seat across from Malos. He rested his head in his hand and rubbed his head, he felt like shit. Mentally and physically he was sick. He should be ecstatic about sleeping with Patroka but all he felt was sick. Why did she seem so rushed to leave, why did she say sorry? What will she say tomorrow? 

“She doesn’t know what she wants. All she’s going to do is mess around with you.” Malos said after a long drag from his mug,

“What?” Mikhail furrowed his eyebrows,

“Patroka.” He responded, not looking away from the article he was reading,

“How do you…?”

“I know everything that goes on in this ship.” Mikhail jumped,

“You don’t have cameras in my—!”

“No.” Malos quickly looked at him and scowled, “No of course not. I’m not a pervert.”

“Then how do you…”

“She’s too headstrong. She won’t accept any feelings she has for anyone. Not even for Akhos.” He stated firmly,

“Why is she like that?” Mikhail covered his face in his hands,

“God if I know. I’m surprised she slept with you. She’s unpredictable and irrational. I wouldn’t expect her to talk to you for weeks.” Malos leaned back and crossed his arms,

“I shouldn’t have given in to her.” Mikhail slammed his fist on the cold table, “I just thought maybe… maybe I had a chance to show her how much I care about her.” Malos didn’t say anything. He just kept staring blankly at Mikhail, tapping his foot, “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.” Mikhail stood to leave,

“She’s knows.” Mikhail shook his head,

“How do you know?” Mikhail balled his fists,

“How could she not? You’re constantly getting hurt in battle trying to protect her. If it weren’t for you she’d probably be dead. She’s reckless…” he shook his head, “Anyways. I’ve been around a long time and I’ve seen a lot of people in love. She cares for you, it’s obvious. It’s just a matter if she can admit that to herself.” 

Mikhail left Malos. He never thought he’d see the day Malos would talk about love. Jin, the man that taught him everything he knows, wouldn’t ever talk to Mik about love. Mikhail headed towards the gym. If he was going to be pissed off he might as well channel the anger. 

Mik stripped to his red and gray pants and the black tank top he wore under his shirt. He lifted weights for over an hour. He worked every muscle group until his body was shaking. He kept adding more and more weight, way passed what he could usually lift. He wrapped his hands in white gauze and headed for the punching bags. They were old and beat up from years of him and Malos beating the crap out of them. Jin and Akhos thought punching bags were uncivilized and tended to train with their weapons instead. The gym was really only used by Malos and Mikhail. Mik never saw Patroka exercise but she must, maybe she does it in her room. What kind of thing would she do? Was she the yoga type of person? 

Mikhail slapped himself. 

“Stop it!” 

He pushed Patroka out of his head and bounced on the platforms of his feet. He punched and kicked and grunted until he couldn’t feel his limbs anymore and sweat blurred his vision. But even then he couldn’t stop. With every punch he just felt angrier, more pissed at Patroka and her rejection. The wraps fell from his fists but he just threw them aside and used his bare knuckles. She just wanted to play with him. She didn’t care. She didn’t want him. She didn’t love him. She would just continue to infuriate him. She would never be what he needed. But she was everything he wanted. 

The punching bag flew from the chain and hit the wall. Mikhail smelled burned hair as he walked to the bag. He has burned a hole threw it. He looked at his hands-they were flaming. Somehow, he had activated his element. Mikhail ran his hands under the sink in the locker room. He winced as the water invaded his bruised hands, the water hissed as it hit his burning skin. In the mirror he looked like absolute shit. His hair was a sweaty mess and the bags under his eyes looked like black eyes. He looked at the clock, 6:30, everyone should be awake now. 

As he approached the kitchen he smelled food, someone was making breakfast. His stomach grumbled, he had definitely burned more calories than the soup offered. He hurried into the room and sat down. Everyone was there, even Patroka. He sat as far from her as he could, that happened to be beside Malos. It looked like he hadn’t moved since 2 am. They weren’t eating yet, that was good. Jin was cooking something. Jin couldn’t cook but breakfast was hard to mess up. Patroka scoffed with disgust,

“Mik you smell like…” she was cut off by the horrendous look Mikhail and Malos both sent to her. She rolled her eyes and looked away. Malos was right, she was just going to be horrible to him now. 

“I smelled something burning. Are you okay?” Jin said softly from the stove. Mik tapped his knuckles on the table while staring at Patroka. She didn’t return his look,

“Fine. I just got caught up in working out. We need a new punching bag.” That caught Patrokas attention, she looked at him briefly. She looked surprised, maybe even worried. But then her face turned back to disgust and she looked away. 

“Mikhail I’ve been meaning to ask you if you wanted help channeling your element.” Malos asked,

“Oh, what?” Mikhail asked, startled. Malos clenched his fist and then opened it, purple and black energy sat steaming in his palm. Mikhail almost brought his hand up to try and do the same but he knew he didn’t have that much control. He didn’t want to embarrass himself more in front of Patroka,

“Our element is rare. It’s powerful when used right but can be hard to wield.” He let the energy fade away, “You’re a strong fighter but I think you can be even better.”

“Thank you,” Mikhail grinned, compliments always boost his confidence, “If you have the time, I’d enjoy that.” Mikhail winked. Malos nodded once and looked away, his attention being drawn to Jin. 

Jin places mounds of food on the table, Deluxe Ham Toasties, Quoteletta, Snowbaby Potatoes and Black Roast Coffee. Everyone looked hesitantly from the food to Jin,

“What?” Jin asked, Akhos cleared his throat,

“Well… you see you’re not known to be the best cook and…”

“I didn’t poison it. Most of it was store bought anyways.” Jin sat down and poured himself coffee. 

To everyone’s surprise, the food was actually pretty good. Upon stuffing their faces it became obvious it was all store bought, Jin just heated it up. Mikhail ate more than his share, he was still worked up from his gym time and being that close to Patroka wasn’t doing any good for his heart. She was acting like nothing happened, quietly chatting with Akhos like it was just another day. Jin and Malos we’re trying to decipher where the Aegis would go next. They knew it would be the Praetorium but they couldn’t decide on how he would get there. Malos insisted he would go through Leftheria but Jin thought Fan La Norne wouldn’t want to take the risk traveling on foot. Either way, the plan to wage war between Uraya and Mor Ardain was still in motion. While Jin started towards Temperantia the rest of them would spy on the group in Indol. 

“How much longer until we arrive in Indol?” Jin asked Akhos,

“About two days.” He replied,

“I’ll leave tomorrow then, we should be in a good position in the cloud sea for me to go unnoticed to Temperantia.” 

“What vessel will you take?” Malos asked,

“The Cloud Runner. That’s the one you two took to Uraya, right?” He glanced between Malos and Akhos,

“Yeah.” Malos turned to Mikhail, “Will you continue your work on the Monoceros’ battle form today?” Mikhail finished chewing his food before answering,

“Sure thing.” He smiled, relieved to know he could lock himself away downstairs without being accused of hiding from Patroka. 

Jin stood from the table and declared he needed to go make preparations for his departure tomorrow. Everyone sat in a comfortable silence for a while until Malos also stood,

“Akhos I need your help with something on the bridge.” Akhos furrowed his brows in confusion,

“You need my...help?” An odd request coming from the aegis himself,

“Yes.” Malos walked to the door and motioned for Akhos to follow. Akhos turned to Patroka and shrugged before obeying his orders. 

Malos, that sly devil. He was forcing Mikhail to be alone with Patroka. Mikhail slouched in his chair and stirred the spoon he had in his coffee cup for mixing the cream in. It made a hollow and chilling noise, a good atmosphere for how uncomfortable the room had become. Mikhail refused to look at Patroka, avoiding the rejection that would come just from the look on her face. Although he couldn’t see her he knew she’d also be looking elsewhere. Mik ran a hand over his face and sighed. This wasn’t like him, he could always talk to girls so easily. He always prided himself on his charisma and charm yet he couldn’t think of a damn thing to say. Luckily he didn’t have to speak first, Patroka cleared her throat and sat up in her chair,

“Mik.” He looked away from his spoon to her steel eyes, 

“Huh?”

“I should apologize.” She sounded rehearsed, 

“For what?” He said flatly, knowing full well what she meant but he wanted to hear her say it. She rolled her eyes, 

“You know what.” She growled,

“Why are you apologizing?” He chewed on the inside of his lip, he was growing more and more afraid of the answer,

“I’m sorry for barging in on you when you were…” she luckily didn’t finish that statement, “And I’m sorry about what we did. I shouldn’t have…” She shook her head. She was having trouble explaining her actions, Mik still wanted to understand what happened so he tried to prompt her,

“Do you regret what happened?” 

“Yes.” his heart hit the pit of his stomach, “Well no…I don’t know.” She looked at his face and sighed, “I wanted it when it happened but now I don’t know.” 

Mik nervously tapped his foot and tried to understand, “Why did you want it.” 

“I was just… I was upset!” She started to sound more hostile, Mik knew it wasn’t long before she closed herself off from the conversation, “I had just lost my blade and… and all I could think about is when I lost my driver and I was upset and angry and I felt like such a big failure!” She stomped her foot and stood up, balling her fists. Mikhail stood up too and tried to walk towards her, 

“It’s okay to admit you needed someone to help you through that, it’s okay to be angry…” he tried his absolute hardest to sound genuine because he was genuine. Hearing her explain how losing Perdido took her back to her driver dying… it made sense,

“I didn’t need someone! I don’t—!” Mik reached her and placed his hand on her neck, she smacked it away and stuck her nose in his face. He could see the rage in her eyes, “Back off! You think just because I had sex with you means I have feelings for you!?” Mik recoiled and held the smacked hand to his core crystal,

“Well—I—Yeah. Kinda?” He said barely above a whisper,

“Well I don’t! I don’t need you! I was just… using you!” She spat in his face before running out of the kitchen. 

Mik collapsed into his chair. Those five words hurt more than smashing his own core crystal ‘I was just using you’. Those were the words he feared the most. She was upset and he was just a toy she used to feel better. That’s all that was. Meaningless, loveless sex. Mikhail felt the warmth falling down his cheek but he couldn’t be bothered. He heard footsteps and desperately looked up hoping it was Patroka coming to say she didn’t mean that. But it was Jin. Mikhail wiped the tears from his face with the back of his hand,

“You heard all that?” Mik said, too harshly than anticipated,

“Yes.” Jin said coolly,

“Well I guess that’s all I am to her.” He held his arms out and shrugged, “A fucking toy.” Mikhail pushed past Jin and slammed down the hallway towards the basement. Jin stood and watched. He couldn’t help Mikhail even if he tried. This was his own battle to fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Mik... even the man that helped raise him can’t help him.   
> Anyways, let me know if you like the direction this story is going! I appreciate every comment so please don’t forget to leave one!!   
> Side note: I’m playing NG+ and I finally got Mikhail. I’m so in love. His idle movements are him combing his hair and then practicing his dance moves. Such a good tank: permanent member of Morags blade setup.


	3. Separation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikhail begins training with Malos, Patroka tries to come to terms with her heart. Akhos offers much needed advice.

Mikhail had completely lost track of time so when Akhos came down stairs to tell him dinner was ready he was surely surprised. He closed the program he was running on the screen and followed Akhos. He almost made a remark about how Patroka always came and got him for dinner, but he figured it would be tasteless in front of her brother. 

“Who made dinner? Malos?” Mik asked, the short man shook his head,

“No. Me.” Akhos was usually much more talkative than this, he began to worry Patroka was turning Akhos against him. Mikhail figured that if there was a side to pick between him and Patroka, Akhos would pick his sister. Akhos stopped at the bottom of the stairwell. He turned and looked up at the blonde, “Mikhail I want to apologize on behalf of my sister. This is a big ship but with only five of us onboard, it’s easy to hear every conversation.” Mik pinched the bridge of his nose, every damn person knew about this, “Anyways. I love my sister dearly but she is the biggest pain I have ever met. She refuses to admit her true feelings about anyone unless she’s in a moment of great distress. It sounds like that night she was in distress. I pride myself on knowing her better than anyone, and I know she cares deeply for you and I know she came to your room for comfort. I don’t know what happened after that but I do know the only person she wanted to be around when she was hurt was you.” Akhos considered saying more but instead turned on his heels and clicked up the stairs. Mikhail thought about what he said for a moment. He had heard so many different people telling him different things, but he had confidence Akhos knew what he was talking about. 

Even though Akhos’ explanation helped ease his soul a bit, it didn’t change the fact that Patroka relentlessly toyed with his heart and constantly hurt him. Mik knew he deserved better than what Patroka has giving him. Besides he wanted more, he didn’t just want someone to screw around with he wanted a girl to be his own. He wondered if Patroka was capable of commitment. If Patroka’s feelings were strong enough to want to be with him, she was going to have to prove it. He wasn’t going to sit around and continue to be hurt by her. 

———

Malos held true to his word. They trained everyday for the next three days. Jin left on his mission and the remaining four had begun to scout Indol. It was difficult to go unseen so they either had to observe from a vantage point or go undercover at night. Their spying had so far been inconclusive, it seems Rex and the others hadn’t yet arrived to Indol. The Monoceros was much faster than Titan travel, so they might have another days wait until they arrive. Malos told all of them not to worry and that an opportunity to spy on the Praetor would soon arise. 

Malos pushed Mikhail to a limit he didn’t know he had. Mik had trained with Jin for years but Malos was on a whole different level. When they sparred Mikhail would always end up on the ground with Malos having a clear shot to kill him,

“You have to protect yourself better than that,” He would say, 

“This isn’t even a fair fight!” Mikhail would object,

“No battle will ever be fair, Mik.”

When Malos trained him on channeling his ether flow, Mikhail would always get frustrated and lose his elemental flow all together. 

“You have to channel that frustration, Mikhail.” Malos would urge, “That’s where we draw our element from. The frustration, the anger… it’s what drives the darkness.”

“I can’t!” 

“You must!”

The first two days were a disaster. But by the third, Mikhail had a breakthrough. They were working on channeling his energy. Malos was producing darkness as easily as breathing, Mikhail could hardly hold it in his hand before it disappeared. 

“I don’t understand! When I’m fighting, the ether just flows out of me. Why can’t I do that now?” Mikhail ran his fingers through his sweaty hair, 

“When you’re fighting, it's different. You have to channel your energy to survive. But to have full control of your powers you have to be able to channel it on command. Not just in a dire situation.” Malos was surprisingly patient throughout the process, but Mikhail was still on the verge of quitting. He had always done fine holding his own, why did he need this much training now?

“What do you do?” Mik asked,

“Huh?” Malos cocked his eyebrow,

“What do you think about when you harness the ether?”

“To be honest, I’m not really sure,” Malos crossed his arms and thought, “I’ve been doing this for centuries, I never really thought about it… I guess I usually find the thing that frustrates me the most. Lately it’s been humans. In the past it was the Aegis and her driver.” 

Mikhail placed his hands on his hips and looked skyward, shutting his eyes and focusing. When he opened his eyes it was like it was meant to me. Patroka was leaning on the railing of the second floor above the training room. When she realized Mikhail had caught her watching, she quickly turned away and ran out of sight.

“I’m ready.” Mikhail said. He put his fists in front of his face and bent his knees. 

He didn’t outmatch Malos by any means, but he could keep up. Dodging and blocking his arts, not letting Malos even lay a hand on him. His body was a blur of purple and black, energy flowing from his fists allowing him to create barriers in front of him to stop Malos’ blows. When he saw Malos step back, he knew he was preparing for a final blow. Mikhail reacted quickly and felt his feet rise from the ground. Ether flooded from his core crystal and through his crossed arms. Malos blocked the art easily but he still smiled,

“Good job, Mik.” His ether dispersed, “Really good job.” Mikhail fell to his knees and he breathed as deeply as he could, “You have to access that ether every time. You have huge potential due to your blade eater status. If you can focus like that every time, your power output will be huge.”

“How long was she standing there?” He wheezed,

“The whole time.”

———

Mikhail headed back to his room to shower. He was sweaty and tired but proud of what he accomplished today. Although, he wasn’t quite sure what happened. In the moment he didn’t feel angry or frustrated like Malos kept insisting he focus on. When he truly accessed the darkness, he felt peaceful. Unsure whether it has anything to do with seeing Patroka, he decided not to stress about it. Besides, he was in the midst of his plan to ignore Patroka and proving to her that if she was going to act like he didn’t matter, he would do the same. He was always good at playing hard to get. 

When he saw Patroka waiting by his door it didn’t even phase him, he was past that now, 

“You enjoy the show?” He asked her before she could open her mouth,

“Ah-Uh… no! As if…” she spat,

“Oh common Patroka, I know you can’t resist this.” He ran his middle finger up the middle of his abdomen, making sure to flex his abs making them look even more defined,

“Perv.” She scoffed and crossed her arms. Mikhail opened his door but stopped and winked at her before heading inside. He didn’t even let her explain why she was there, or why she was watching. But that was all part of the plan of driving her crazy. He wouldn’t let her have that much control over his heart, not anymore. Besides, having his charisma back made him feel like a new man. 

———

Patroka barged into the training room and luckily Malos was still there,

“Hey!” She hollered at the Aegis, “You don’t have to be so hard on him, he’s already a better fighter than Akhos and I!” 

“What’s it to you?” He places his hands on his bare hips, his broken, purple core crystal cast a shadow down his chest, 

“Well all you’ve been doing it beating him up the last few days.” She spat,

“I’m not just hitting him, I’m working his mind.” Malos motioned to his head, “Facing defeat is good for a fighter. Besides you saw the energy he had in that last fight, he’s getting stronger.”

“He’s strong enough,” she crossed her arms defensively, “You’re being too hard on him. You’re hurting him.” 

“Again I ask, what’s it to you, Patroka?” He said every word slowly and tensley. Patroka took a step back and shook her head. Why was she here? She didn’t need to be getting into his business. She turned on her heels and left the training room. 

She found herself standing in front of Akhos’ room. She knocked and he yelled for her to come in,

“Ah, sister. To what do I owe the pleasure?” He smiled from his leather chair pushed into the corner of his room. He had a small paper book in his hand,

“I hope I’m not disturbing you.” She murmured from the doorway,

“No, no not at all.” He smiled, “Come in.” Patroka shut the door behind her and took a seat on the edge of his made bed. She tapped her feet on the ground impatiently, “You seem distressed.” Akhos pointed out as he placed his book on the table beside him,

“I have a lot on my mind.” She said slowly,

“Mikhail? I assume.” Patroka looked at him angrily but quickly realized she had no right to be angry. She came here to talk about him anyways. She took a deep breath. 

“I keep trying to push him out of my head but… but then I go and do dumb stuff like the other night.” She shook her head and looked at her hands,

“Why are you trying to push him out?” Akhos questioned. Patroka has to consider it herself before forming an answer. 

“I’m afraid.” She whispered, luckily Akhos heard her anyways,

“Afraid of losing him?” Patroka furrowed her eyebrows, how did he know? She shook her head up and down slightly, “So instead of letting him know how you really feel, you’re confusing him and constantly trying to hurt him? That hardly makes sense, sister.” Patroka frowned,

“I guess when I say the things I do… I’m trying to make him hate me. It would be much easier if he hated me.”

“But he doesn’t hate you. He loves you.” Patroka stood up and stomped her foot,

“Why does everyone keep telling me that!”

“Because it’s the truth and you need to accept that.” Akhos replied firmly, “Mikhail is putty in your hand. If you told him to jump off a bridge he probably would. Yet you’re so afraid of your feelings for him you continue to hurt him and reject him.” 

“Then what am I supposed to do!?”

“Let him in,” He began,

“But I lose everyone I let in! My driver, Perdido… I don’t want… I don’t want to lose Mikhail.” She sat back down and clutched her crystal,

“I’m still here.” Akhos reminded her, “You haven’t lost me.” Patroka eyed him, 

“I guess.”

“All I know is, Mikhails feelings will never fade for you. No matter how much you torture him and push him away. But he won’t wait forever.” Patroka felt her heart hurt, Akhos was right but what did letting Mikhail know how she feels mean? Would they be a couple? She’s never really been a couple with anyone. What if Mikhail got tired of her snapping at him? What if she can’t be what he needs?

“What if Mikhail leaves me?” Patroka asked. Akhos sighed and walked towards her,

“Oh Patroka,” 

“What if he gets sick of me and leaves me?” Akhos sat down next to her and rubbed her back,

“He’s crazy about you. Besides he’s told me before he thinks it’s, quote, ‘sexy’, when you yell at him.” Patroka twisted her face, “I know. He’s a weird man.” Akhos chuckles. 

Patroka hugged her brother, she didn’t usually show affection to him but he was a big help. He understood her better than most. After a moment of sitting in mutually understood silence Patroka pointed to his side table,

“Is that another script?” 

“Yes.” 

“Can I read it?” Akhos stood and retrieved his writing journal, 

“But of course.”

The story was about Obrona. Or rather, a young, beautiful girl with wings, flying away from the world. It was light and cheery, it made Patroka come out of her own head and smile. 

“Is this the first time you’ve written about her since…” Patroka didn’t dare finish the sentence,

“Yes.” Akhos murmured, taking the script back,

“I’m sorry… about Obrona.” Patroka said awkwardly,

“And I’m sorry about Perdido.” He replied kindly,

“I hate that blades… or normal blades, lives are like, so short and fragile.” Patroka announced,

“They’re not. Or rather, they shouldn’t be. It’s Rex’s fault our blades returned to their core crystal. All of this is his fault… if he just never awakened the other Aegis!” He became worked up, rising from the bed and pacing the room,

“You’re starting to sound just like Malos.” Patroka informed him. Akhos just shook his head, 

“Anyways. Speaking of Malos I’m sure he’ll come looking for me soon. I haven’t started dinner yet.” 

Patroka thanked him again for talking to him about Mikhail before they went their separate ways. Patroka went to the top floor of the Monoceros and stood outside. They were hiding under the cloud sea but the very top floor peaked out from it. The sun was setting behind the Indoline Titan. Patroka sighed and took in the view. She needed to stop and enjoy the moment occasionally or else she would lose her mind. Sunsets were her favorite, she was too cranky in the mornings to appreciate sunrises. The sun bathed her in its light and the cloud sea kissed at the sides of her ankles. She shut her eyes and breathed in the smell of the fresh air. She silently thanked the earth for its everlasting beauty. 

“Didn’t think I’d find you up here.” Patroka opened her eyes and gripped the railing, 

“Hello Mikhail.” She responded. He walked up next to her and rested his forearms on the railing. He didn’t say anything and seemed unphased by her presence. She decided to test the waters between them. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Hm?” Mikhail didn’t move to look at her like he usually did when she spoke, “Yeah. It’s nice.” Patroka frowned. He was such a romantic she knew that’s not how he really felt about the view. He just didn’t want to talk to her. “Surprised you noticed.” Mikhail continued. Patroka cocked her head to the side. 

“Why?” Patroka questioned. Mikhail finally turned to look at her, he stared into her eyes. Icy blue eyes meeting deep turquoise,

“You’re not one to notice what’s right in front of you.” 

Patroka didn’t remember leaving but she knew she was running down the stairs. She stormed down two stories before stopping to lean against the stairwell wall. She clutched her core crystal and tried to stop the tears edging at her eyes. Her heart stung with rejection and her head began to pound. Akhos was right, he wouldn’t wait forever. Maybe she was already too late.


	4. Accepting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends!   
> So, I actually wrote chapter 4 a few days ago but after retreading it... it did not turn out like I hoped. I was unhappy with my writing and the plot so, I scrapped it. But this is life, it happens. Anyways... I hope you enjoy this freshly written chapter!

Patroka mustered up all the strength she had and wiped away the loose tears on her cheeks. She bounced back up the stairs and swung the door open,

“Hey! You can’t talk to me like that, Mikhail.” Patroka ran over and shoved his back. Mikhail turned around and she immediately regretted it. He rested his back against the railing and frowned. His swollen, red eyes stared at her but he still felt distant. She crossed her arms, “W-Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because I’m tired Patroka.” He sighed, 

“Then you should go to bed.” 

“Not like that.” He shook his head and looked up at the darkening sky. In the little time she had spent in the stairwell, the sun had set. “I’m tired of trying to tell myself we can be together. No matter what I do it’ll never be enough. So I might as well stop trying. That’s what you want, right? For me to leave you alone?” Patroka crosses her arms, her heart sinking into her stomach. She didn’t think she’d be having this conversation right now. 

“Is that what you want?” As usual she sounded more upset than she meant to. Mikhail couldn’t believe her, she knows the answer to that. She must know the stinging pain in his heart every second he’s not with her. 

“Of course not Patroka!” He closed the gap between them and rested his hands on her arms, “I’m crazy about you... but you know that.” She stepped back and looked away. He was so overbearing and emotional. But the hurt in his eyes was enough to put 10,000 pounds of guilt on her heart. 

“What if I’m not what you want?” Patroka twisted her face and looked down at the ground,

“Not what I want? Patroka you’re everything I want!” 

“I’m horrible.” She objected, 

“No, no you’re not. You’re smart and sexy and strong and when you’re being horrible and yelling at me… god it gets me going.” He spun around and rested his hands back on the railing, talking to the sky and the clouds. He swayed his hips and rocked his head. Even when there wasn’t music he would dance to the songs in his head. Even when everything was bad he wanted to dance. Even when she was yelling at him and hurting him, he wanted to love her. Patroka couldn’t help but start laughing, it escalated into her having to bend over to catch her breath. Mikhail grinned, “Laughing at my misfortune. How heartless!” He clutched his heart and pretended to be deeply wounded. Patroka smiled… but the smile was quickly replaced with another frown. She couldn’t push him away no matter how damn hard she tried. She couldn’t get away from him. But she was so afraid she would make him miserable by not being who he wanted. She was so hard to love. So complicated and distant and frustrating. 

“I don’t really do relationships.” 

“Relationships? Patroka that’s not what I’m asking for.” He came back to her cupped her face with his big hands, “I just want to be good to you. I just want to love on you and be with you. We don’t have to call it anything. Just let me be a part of you.” Patroka sighed. She shut her eyes and remembered to what Akhos and her talked about. She opened them again and rested her forehead on his sturdy chest,

“The only reason I won’t admit my feelings for you is because I’m scared of like… losing you.” Mikhail combed his fingers through her long hair,

“Losing me? Patroka I’m a big boy, I take pretty good care of myself.” She could hear the smile on his lips,

“I guess.” She rolled her eyes,

“And, ‘feelings for me’? What might these feelings be?” Patroka lifted her head up and stomped on his foot, “Ah! Patroka!” He hopped on one foot and shook the other, 

“Do I really have to say?” She groaned. Mikhail laughed,

“No, no I guess not.” Patroka closed the gap between them again,

“Ok then.” She murmured. 

“Ok then.” He repeated. 

Patroka stared into his eyes for a minute, scanning his face, trying to come to terms with whatever kind of agreement they silently made. She couldn’t keep running from him, she couldn’t get away from him. The only answer now was to let him in and give him a key to her confused and distrusting heart. She didn’t know what letting him ‘be a part’ of her meant. But she was willing to try. She didn’t want to hurt him anymore and she didn’t want to keep hiding her feelings. Patroka stood on her tiptoes, balancing on her heeled shoes, and pressed her lips against his. He put one hand behind her neck and the other on her cheek. They had kissed before, but this time it felt real. 

Mikhail finally broke their long, intense kiss and grabbed her hand. He tugged on her hand and she followed him back down the stairwell. She didn’t have to ask to know he was taking her to his room. On the way to his room, Akhos was unfortunately on his way back from the bridge. He grinned at them and patroka retracted her hand from Mikhails, trying to act like nothing was happening but Akhos already knew. He just shook his head and made a remark about ‘having fun’. Mikhail chuckled and took her hand again. 

As soon as the door was shut Patroka started kissing him again. This time more aggressively and with more want in her lips. Mikhail smiled against her lips before lifting her up by her legs. She wrapped her legs around his waist and leaned her back against the door. Mikhail tugged at the armor plate around her stomach,

“Take this off.” He growled against her lips. Patroka reached behind her and unclasped it, throwing it to the ground. All the while Mikhail effortlessly held her up. “All of it.” Patroka blushed and loosened the rest of her amor and and her sleeved cape, leaving her in just her leotard which she couldn’t take off while her legs were around him. She pressed her hand against his chest plate,

“You too.” She whispered, her breathe shaking. 

Mikhail carried her over to his bed and set her down, luckily his bed was made and his room was surprisingly tidy. If it wasn’t she probably wouldn’t be able to focus on him. Mikhail unclipped his armour and let it fall to the ground. He took off his jacket and black undershirt but left his pants on. Patroka leaned up against the headboard and Mikhail crawled onto the bed and leaned over her. He stared at her and smiled for a long time, brushing the hair out of her eyes and running his hand up and down her bare legs. Patroka felt nervous with him just staring at her like this and she was borderline uncomfortable. But she accepted the discomfort. She accepted that this is where she wants to be and who she wants to be with. No more running. 

Patroka placed her hands on his neck and ran them down his chest and up sides, admiring his physique and cherishing the feeling of his warm skin and his slow beating heart. Mikhail smiled. This is what he wants. This is where he wants to be. 

He lifted the leg he was stroking and gently plaged it on his hip. He kissed her lips so gently and so slowly Patroka shuttered. She arched her back into him and wrapped his arms around his neck. He slowly moved his right hand down her body, reaching between her legs and rubbing her through the fabric of her leotard. He wasn’t attempting to give her pleasure through it but the intense intimacy made Patroka moan into his ear. Patroka kissed his face with sloppy need and started grinding herself against his hand, Mikhail chuckled softly,

“So eager.” He stated. Patroka nodded her head and whimpered in response. She sat up and allowed Mik to unzip her leotard, she shimmied out of it while he took her bra and underwear off too. 

When Mik curled two of his fingers inside her, Patroka gasped and clutched his arms, “Mikhail!” She moaned in ecstasy. She was so slick around his fingers it made a magically wet noise. He made a ‘V’ with his fingers to loosen her,

“So tight.” He remarked. Patroka blushed. “Haven’t you fucked yourself since last time?” She shook her head,

“I almost never do.”

“No wonder you’re so uptight.” Patroka opened her mouth to scold him but Mik pressed his thumb onto her clit, moving it in circles. Patroka moaned as pleasure filled her senses. 

She reached down and found his zipper, tugging it down. Mikhail helped her, pausing his scissor motion. She immediately grabbed his length once he had freed himself of the clothing. Mikhail dropped his head and panted while she stroked his length. Patroka let go and pushed on his chest, making him sit down. She sat on her knees and leaned down. She licked up the underside of his cock and Mikhail subconsciously grabbed a fist full of her hair. She swirled her tongue around the tip before putting barely half of it in her mouth,

“Oh fuck, baby.” He grunted. Patroka moaned around him at the name. Somehow, in this moment, she loved it. She struggled to put the whole thing in her mouth, so what she couldn’t swallow she stroked with her hand. She bobbed her head up and down and basked in the noises Mikhail was making. His moaning and grunting made her throb. 

Mikhail let go of her hair and trailed his hand down to her ass. He grabbed a fistful of it and Patroka let his cock fall from her mouth as she arched her back, sticking her ass up. Mikhail bit his lip and took a chance, lifting his hand and smacking it back down to her luscious behind. Patroka cried and gripped the bed sheets,

“You like that?” Mikhail licked his lips,

“Mhm…” Patroka whined,

“Fuck, that’s hot.” He growled before spanking her again and again until her ass was bright red and had an outline of his big hand. The thought that Patroka likes it when he spanks her made his head spin. She couldn’t be any sexier than the position she was in. Her face in his lap and her ass in the air, bouncing every time his hand collided with it. He never wanted to stop but he also didn’t want to hurt her too badly. Mikhail shifted so he laid on his pillow, “Come here,” he motioned to her. She crawled to him and he lifted her to she almost sat on his chest, “I want to taste you so bad…” He panted. Patrokas cheeks turned crimson as she slid up to sit on his face. Mikhail moaned and ran his hands up and down her legs and slithered his tongue inside of her. She covered her mouth and cried out. He switched his tongue from being inside of her to sucking her clit every few seconds, lapping up the taste of her cunt. His hand came up her legs and brushed at the patch of hair at her crotch. Patroka became very self conscious and pulled his hand away,

“I’m sorry I haven’t shaved in…” 

“No, I love it.” He cut her off. He returned his hand to her crotch,

“You do?” She asked quietly,

“Mhm…” He said against her clit sending vibrations through her. He used his pointer and middle finger to rub her clit, eliciting the most beautiful noises from her lips. Without thinking she ground herself onto his tongue, Mikhail moaned, he liked it. Patroka reached behind her and grabbed ahold of his cock, stroking him and wiping up the pre-cum dribbling from the head. She moved her hips with the rhythm of her hand until Mikhail couldn’t take it anymore. He grabbed her waist and lifted her off him. He tried to get on top of her but she held his hips in place and shook her head. He raised an eyebrow,

“I want to be on top.” She stated. Mikhail grinned,

“Okay baby, show me what you’ve got.” He looked smug and stretched his hands behind his head. 

Patroka lifted herself up and positioned him at her entrance. She winced at how tight she still was when she tried to sink down. She could hardly get halfway without feeling like she would break. Mikhail hissed and bucked his hips impulsively. Patroka cried out in pain and Mik immediately sat up and grabbed her hands,

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” She shook her head ‘yes’ and screwed her mouth shut, “Shit, shit I’m sorry.” He tried to pull out of her but she stopped him,

“Just let me… relax.” She murmured. He nodded, his blue eyes shimmering patiently. He kissed her knuckles and the backs of her hands apologetically. He brushed her fingers against his lips slowly and tentatively. Patroka smiled, he could be rough but at the first sign of hurting her he switched to being so gentle and caring. He kissed her palm and she reached out to cup his face. She brushed her hand along the stubble on his sharp jawline and ran her thumb under his eye. 

“Are you okay?” He whispered, 

“Yeah.” 

“You know we don’t have to, I can just,” Patroka cut him off by rising up and pushing herself all the way back down, “Fucking hell Patroka.” His eyes rolled to the back of his head and he grabbed her hips. She placed her hands on his chest, on either side of his crystal. She moved her hips in a circle and grinned up and down him. With more confidence she moved faster and faster, her hair was spilling over her shoulders and sticking to her neck and arms with sweat. 

Mikhail watched her with such fierce intensity, he couldn’t take his eyes off her. The way she masterfully grinded her hips, the soft whines coming from her lips, her stunning icy eyes that were staring into his own… he sat up and wrapped his arms around her waist, “You’re beautiful.” Patroka pushed her fingers into his hair, “You’re everything I need.” He moaned. He let all of his self control melt away as he soaked her in compliments and kissed her stomach and rib cage and breasts. He gave all of himself to her and prayed she would accept him. 

Patroka loved the attention and the compliments and the praise… but she felt distant. She felt like no matter what she didn’t she could get close to him or she couldn’t connect with him. She wanted to say something… something that would make him happy and reassure him. Her heart pounded in her ears… she needed to say something. She needed to let him know she felt the same way. She chewed her lip and slowed her hips, Mikhail looked up at her and cocked his head to the side,

“I…” She gulped, “I don’t want to live… without you.” Mikhails face twisted from confusion to shock to a cheeky smile. He flipped her onto her back and took control of the thrusting, 

“Patroka… oh Patroka…” he thrust into her, “Do you really feel like that?” 

“Yes… yes!” She said as Mikhail pounded into her, “I don’t want to be without you…” Patroka felt exposed and defenseless but she knew in her heart Mikhail wouldn’t ever take advantage of that exposure. He cherished every little bit he was allowed into her heart. 

“Thank you… thank you Patroka…” he repeated, “I’ll never leave you, I’ll always be here for you…” Patroka hung on to him as tightly as she could, feeling her orgasm building in her stomach. She reached between her legs and rubbed her clit sending her spiraling into an orgasm. 

“Mikhail! Oh…! Mikhail!” She moaned into his neck,

“Come on baby, come for me. Show me what I mean to you.” She shook in his arms and stilled, coming undone in a mess of saying his name over and over again. 

When she opened her eyes, Mikhail had stopped moving and was simply holding her in his arms—his hard cock still inside her. Patroka kissed him and gently lifted herself from him. Mikhail hissed, he was close but didn’t want to hurt her by continuing. Fortunately, there was no way Patroka was going to leave him like that. She grabbed ahold of his cock and pumped her hand up down while her thumb rubbed circles below the head. Even when he started coming in her hand, she wouldn’t let his lips loose. Mikhail came all over her hand and her stomach while moaning into her mouth. 

Patroka smiled and kissed his cheek—no running this time. 

Mikhail got a wet towel and wiped her off. When he returned from the bathroom she was already under his sheets, waiting for him. 

“You better still be naked under those sheets.” He chastised her. He was happy to find out she actually was. He climbed in next to her and grabbed her waist, pulling her closer to him, she squealed and laughed, hiding her face into the pillow. They laid and faced each other for an eternity. Patroka had snaked her legs between his and was gently moving them up and down his legs. Her hand was resting on his side, she could feel his chest rise and fall with his breathing there. She shut her eyes for a few minutes before opening them again,

“The lights are still on.” She whispered, giggling. Mikhail groaned and rolled his eyes,

“I’m not getting up.” He declared, 

“Neither am I.” Before she could say another thing Minhail had picked the closest thing to him off the ground and threw it to the light switch. It was her shoe, landing with a booming thud that definitely missed the switch. Patroka tried to reach for his arm that was picking up the other shoe, “Mik! Mik! Shh! You’re going to wake up the whole ship!” 

“They’re already awake.” He remarked, “How could they not be from all your moaning and screaming?” Patroka kicked his side and made him totally miss his throw again,

“Mikhail I swear to the architect!” Luckily he had no more shoes to throw and he was forced to get up and turn it off. Back if bed, Patroka snuggled up to him and laid her head on his chest. He combed his fingers through her hair and drew shapes on her bare back. She traced lines on his skin with her nails. 

“Mik,” she whispered into the dark, hoping he was still awake,

“What’s up baby?” He murmured,

“Is this what you wanted?” She asked quietly, suddenly worried that this wasn’t enough. Patroka heard his smile,

“Yes, yes…Of course. I'll take whatever you want to give me. If this is what you’re comfortable with then I’m happy. I’m just happy you’re here.” He squeezed her shoulder, “Is this what you want?” He asked timidly,

“I think so…” She rethought her answer, “Actually…this is what I want. I’m sure of it.” She said confidently. She felt his chest fall and relax, 

“I mean, how could you not fall for me. A babe like me, sleeping with a chick like you? Oh architect you’re lucky!” Patroka rolled her eyes before rolling over to have her back face him. He wrapped his sturdy arms around her body. She fit perfectly into his arms. She sighed and released all the breath she was holding back. She couldn’t run anymore, she couldn’t push him away anymore. She had to accept the unknown and the fear and the frustration. She had to accept that she loved Mikhail. No more lying to herself. 

Patroka fell asleep first. Mikhail cradled her soft body and kissed the top of her head. He had the woman he loved cuddling with him in his bed, this is all he could ever ask for. All he wants is her heart. He hopes she can give it to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! Remember, your guys comments mean everything to me!! It’s what keeps me writing!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you loved it!! If this gets enough love and support I will seriously consider writing another chapter (or maybe a few more chapters)! So don’t forget to comment your thoughts, Kudos and bookmark! Thank you lovelies xx


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